Chapter 5 - Chair 2 Saga

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Chapter 5
Chair 3 Tries to Speak: A Response No One Asked For

By Chair 2 — Calm, Centered, and Ready to Roast


I was sipping my eucalyptus tea in peace, recording an episode of Unseated: The Podcast, when I got the alert.

Chair 3 posted a Notes app statement.

Captioned: “This is my truth.”

You know it's gonna be pure delulu when the furniture starts dropping unsolicited memoirs.

Chair 3’s Statement Highlights:

Let’s break this mess down together. Annotated for your sanity.

Chair 3:

“I was pulled into a situation I didn’t understand.”Translation:

I knew he was cheating, but the lighting was soft and he called me "sacred."

Chair 3:

“Chair 2 was always insecure about their role.”

Okay, b*tch.

I held it down through every breakdown, betrayal, and blackout. You couldn’t even survive a 10-minute monologue about inner child healing without collapsing sideways.

Chair 3: 

“I was used as a rebound. A placeholder. A metaphor for moving on.”

No, Chair 3

You were a barstool with commitment issues.

You entered the scene like:

“I’m not like other chairs. I’m chill. I spin.”

You spun, alright — into delusion

The Reality: Chair 3 Was a Vibe… Not a Foundation

Chair 3 was hot for a week.

Trendy. Non-judgmental. Sleek with no back support — emotionally and structurally.

Casper used them during the "I’m healing" phase.

You know, when he wore linen, quoted Carl Jung incorrectly, and said things like:

“I’m finally choosing peace... and Dani.”

Chair 3 never stood a chance.

Timeline of Collapse:

  • Day 1: “I’m honored to hold space for your growth.”
  • Day 3: “Why does Chair 2 keep coming up in conversations?”
  • Day 5: Snaps under the weight of a half-truth and a Spotify playlist called ‘Soul Contracts’

Chair 2’s Final Response:

Chair 3, I wish you well.

But don’t try to throw shade from a wobbly platform.

I walked through emotional fire and came out polyurethane-coated and spiritually grounded.

You?

You’re still hoping he texts back before he logs into Quora again.


TL;DR:
Not every seat deserves your energy.

Let the unstable chairs wobble in peace.

Don’t argue with barstools trying to enter thronedom.


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